An experience of lifetime!

“Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain.”
― William Faulkner

This quote truly resembles my thoughts. Life is all there to teach you lessons, to make you a better person; only if we want to learn. I met with an accident in mountains and could have lost my life, but then I just have to live the moment to understand it's meaning and let myself evolve. This is story about fighting for life in the narrow crevasse, 50 ft deep, for over 90 minutes, at midnight, at 15800 ft from sea level.

It was extremely tiring walk to reach our summit camp at 15800 ft height from sea level on 15th June 2016. This was the last camp site of the Advanced Mountaineering Course that we 35 girls were undergoing from Nehru Institute of Mountaineering, Uttarkashi. This was the dream come true and all the trouble was forgotten by the beautiful views of Garhwal Himalaya. The scenes were so picture perfect and we all were so happy to reach the camp site after the hardship of one month. Summit to Draupadai ka Danda (DKD-II) peak at 18,000 ft was the last remaining activity of the course and with no doubt, we all girls were excited about it since day one of course.

Image: Camp 1 site and our tents

Summit march was scheduled on the next day i.e. on 16th June and we all were supposed to get up at 1:30am for tea, be ready by 2:30am to get packed breakfast and march towards DKD-II at sharp 3:00am. We just had half night to get rest and I could not sleep even for a moment due to excitement and anxiety at the same time.

Me, Anita and Kasturi got up at 1:30am as we were in same tent. We got out of tents with the snow shoes, head torch and ice-axe to move out to no. 2 area. We reached to the tent of our rope-mates and gave them wake-up call. We moved to the backside of the tents and met Rashmi on the way and started to walk further towards the designated area.

It was extremely cold out there, must be -15 degrees, I thought. Thanks to my very warm feather jacket, windproof lower, balaclava and hand gloves; I was all covered up and could manage with the chilling wind flow. The view was beautiful. Moon was full and shining and snow was reflecting the moonlight. As a result, everything around us was brightened up. There was no need of the head torch, but still we were carrying them just to be sure of details of the path that we were walking on.

We hardly moved 100 ft from our tents and decided to sit over there. Kasturi was by my side and showing me the light to finalize my location. I walked couple of steps and suddenly I found loose snow under my left feet. My snow boot got dipped in it till the gaiters lower line. I thought that the snow further might be even looser than this. I didn't wanted to take any risk, hence I changed my direction while stepping my right leg. As soon as I did that, both of my legs lost contact with the snow and I was slipping and falling deep....deep inside the glacier. The fall was just for few seconds and I was unable to understand what was happening. The next moment, I found my speed to be zero. I was hold by the crevasse, who had became very narrow at that spot. I had no idea on how deep I was, but could see that I was fallen in a hidden crevasse in the glacier.

I shouted for help continuously for 5 minutes; till I get any sort of response. I was quite sure that all of my friends in and out of tents were listening to my screams as my noise level was at its maximum. Rashmi came back running and responded that the other girls have informed our instructors and they are coming. I stopped shouting and realized that I was breathing abnormally fast. I was facing trouble in breathing. Our camp was at 15800 ft which already had low oxygen level and I was stuck inside crevasse. I was getting very low air flow from the hole I made due to fall. I had very little oxygen to inhale. I was exhausted. Okay, the first task was to remain cool and calm, to regain my energies back, restore them till I get out of the crevasse. I closed my eyes and started to deep breath. This was the only option to me become mentally and emotionally normal at such low oxygen levels. My breathing returned to normal and I heard instructors approaching to the spot and they were calling my name from top.

I responded back to them and ensured them that I am safe and sound. Bhandari sir took emergency situation control and gave multiple instructions to multiple people. He asked to bring few technical equipments like rope, slings, crampons etc., also asked to prepare hot water in kitchen.... hot water?? I was wondering why, may be to cool me down once I am out of this place.

"Jayshri, whats your situation?" he asked.

I was stuck, literally stuck my head to my right side, ice wall on my back was packing me up from the shoulders till the hips. I also realized that my legs are hanging and can move quite a distance in circle. This was definitely not good, the crevasse was not ending here and it was continued further. I was just somewhere in between the entire depth of crevasse. Later it was told to me that I was 50 ft deep inside the crevasse.

The rope with figure of eight'' on one end was given to me from top. I grabbed it, but I had no harness, no carabineer to attach myself to it. I got hold of it with both of my hands as tight as I could and asked to pull me up; but the instructors had no success in pulling me up. Then Bhandari sir passed a tape sling with that rope. I was supposed to wrap the tape sling around my shoulders and back in crossed shape which works great to hold the victim. I tried hard to put the tape sling through my arms. My head was stuck and the tape sling could not pass through it, it kept hanging in both of my hands on top of my head. I communicated back that I cannot be anchored at shoulders or waist as I am chocked from the head. The team at top realised that this is not going to be an easy task. I was listening carefully to whatever I could hear from them. The sounds were mixed up and I could not differentiate them from one another. There was a discussion on what should be done and how it should be done. Overall it was taking time and I was waiting impatiently.

Suddenly I realized that I was sliding. Oh my God! I did not wanted to go further down and I did not wanted to slip through this narrow gap too, as I could see that it could have been impossible to take me out if I pass through this gap. I begun searching for any holds around me, but there were none. I saw the loop of ice-axe in my right hand and my ice-axe was lying horizontal with slight support to one wall of crevasse. I collected the loop in my palms, dragged ice-axe near to me and catch hold of it. Yes, this was my chance to anchor myself using ice-axe. I hit ice wall with the ice-axe but my force was too low to dig it in the wall. There was no space to give a swing to the ice-axe, as the crevasse was too narrow. I tried once again and kept trying. It was useless. The wall was not ready to cooperate. Ice walls, where we normally practice were much softer than this one!

"Jayshri, don't worry, Sir is coming down to your place. close your eyes"- Dasharath sir.

Image: Shivraj sir who took risk and came down to rescue me

Image: The crevasse was wide enough only at the location where I slipped and Shivraj sir passing through it

Snow started to fall on me from top due to the movement of the person coming down. The snow was hitting me hard, I closed my eyes and covered my head and face with both of my hands on my forehead. There were continuous instructions/orders/discussions ongoing. Sometimes with me and sometimes within themselves, it was all messy to me. I was just hopeful that someone is coming near to me, I could hear the hitting sound of crampons on the crevasse wall. I was holding my breath and the snow was just hitting and accumulating on me. I wanted to look up but was unable to turn my head. I could see one crampon on my right side when sir reached sufficiently low.

"Sir, I am slipping down. I have an ice-axe which I tried using but space is the limit" I was trying to communicate.

"Pass your ice-axe". It was Shivraj sir who was stepped into the crevasse.

I managed to pass it on to him. He got hold of my left hand and dropped a clove hitch in it using tape sling. I was relived as I was anchored by clove hitch, which gets tighter and tighter with the pull. At least, I will not go further down from here. Then people from top asked sir to drop the hot water on the ice. There was water running down on me and I was expecting it to be hot, but it was damn cold. The melted ice water drenched me completely. The team tried to pull me hard with my one hand which was anchored and were expecting some help from the hot water to release me. There was tremendous pain in my shoulder and at the clove hitch location. The tape sling was biting my skin and I had to cry out to stop the pull. I was still stuck up in to the walls. The effort to melt down the ice wall was not sufficient to release me. Shivraj sir could not do anything further and went back.

I was anxious and curious on what to do next. I was constantly talking to Bhandari sir and Dasharath sir who were supporting me emotionally and mentally. I was listening to their each and every instruction. I did not wanted to miss anything or risk anything.

"Jayshri, now your rope instructor, Umed Sir is coming down to you", I was told.

I was sure enough that he will take me up. Snow started to hit me. I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands. He came down and tried to pull me up using my right hand, sometimes both hands. Finally he got tired and went back. He must have reported about the critical chock of me between the narrow gap and cannot be just pulled up in the conventional way.

I was becoming impatient and was extremely wet. I could again listen to the multiple voices, discussions, plans and supportive talks with me intermittently. Bhndari sir was continuously asking me not to worry and actually, this was making me worried. I was knowing that it is really not that easy to get out of this place. There were two failed attempts. I was sad and felt that I will remain in this location forever. My energies were lost. I was extremely cold. My teeth were chattering. I was tired mentally, was on the verge of giving up and though that I will be dead soon.

I could see the right side of the crevasse, it was all lightened up due to my head torch which I was still bearing. The crevasse was looking beautiful, extremely smooth and endless. I was trying to figure out the end of it on my right side, but it was getting too dark away from me. I touched the wall on my front, felt smooth and hard texture of the ice beneath my hand gloves. The wall was really much harder than the wall we use for practice. This was the real one, the real crevasse, which we normally see in the movies. I remembered the movie named 'touching the void' which was shown to us during basic mountaineering course. In the movie, the injured mountaineer fell down into the hidden crevasse, a really big one, and then gets out of it on his own with shear will power. That was one inspiring story of defeating death. I though the same might be happening to me, but this was not the movie and I may die here in reality.

'What if these instructors fail in their plans to get me out? What if I stay here for long and die due to chilling temperature. Oh God, please no, I have lot of plans for myself. I have my Australia ticket booked and need to travel to start PhD, the dream as strong as mountains! So I cannot die now. I am yet to fulfil my remaining dreams. I cannot give up. God, please help, why can't anybody is coming down? What all are they discussing? Have they gave up too? No. What should I do? Sir, please, ask someone to reach me, please take me up'.

As if they listened to me and Shivraj sir was descending down again. Once again, I closed my eyes, covered my face on my forehead and sustained through snow hitting and covering me. I was cold, extremely cold. Shivraj sir reached me.

"Sir, please be fast and please take me up this time".

"Yes, I am here for you only... " Shivraj sir.

"Jayshri, don't worry....keep talking.... keep moving fingers in your shoes and gloves...waive off hands " I was listening to top.

Shivraj sir tightened both of my hands to the rope. Once again, the hot water had arrived.

"Put the water to the ice in her back", it was Dashrath sir.

I guess Shivraj sir managed to do so and in couple of seconds, the ice on my back loosened up. I sensed it and at the same time Shivraj sir sensed it too. He shouted, "pull her up....pull....pull".

Team at top pulled me up hard and I was released from the ice. The activities thereafter were extremely fast. Shivraj sir and me were pulled up alternatively. I could hear multiple voices saying "good.... good.... very good... pull ... pull .... 1, 2, 3 and up.... 1, 2, 3 up".

I was out, on the snow. At last!. I was completely wet and was very cold. I was unable to sense any emotions of me. I was glad that everyone was fighting their best to take me out. I was carried by four people. I was still facing the sky but was unable to see things around me. I tried harder, opened and closed my eyes. It was too dark outside. My position was changed, someone was carrying me on his back,  just like the 'casualty carrying'. In this position, I could see our tents in line. All the girls were standing out of their tents and were curious to see me. Everyone had torch in hand and the flashes were all around me. I could see lot of faces but recognized none.

"Jayshri, can you walk?" Dashrath Sir.

"Yes", I was sure enough.

I got a shoulder support by two people and was carried to kitchen tent in fast pace. I was overwhelmed with the planning and management. Soon Rajika and Anita were beside me and Dashrath Sir ordered to change all of my wet cloths. Rajika, designated as Major in Air Force, Defence, was on full speed in her task. I guess, I co-operated well with her although my teeth were chattering and body was shivering. Soon, I was in dry, warm cloths and inside the sleeping bag. The nursing assistant was whole busy in arranging medical equipments for basic health check up of me. I guess I was alright, as his face was relived after the readings. I was offered a glass of tea. I heard Soben Sir announcing about the approach march to summit at 4:00am.

I wanted to get ready with the other girls for the summit walk, but my body was still not cooperating with me. I had to warm myself up. My shoes were wet and hence instructors decided to give rest to me. I understood that I have no chance of doing summit and I started crying. It was so foolish to pled for the approval to instructors, but I was really not happy to cancel the summit walk. I had waited for the entire month for this day and was desperate to climb up. I couldn't stop crying and was requesting all to allow me for climbing. Well, there was no chance of approval and all left me to take rest. The weather was so bad that the course had to return from Rambo rock, at 17500 ft. All the girls were outside the kitchen tent and I joined them for fall in. There were tears in the eyes of my rope-mates and all the girls were so overwhelmed to see me safe and sound.     

Image: Advanced course returned from Rambo Rock. I joined them for fall in 

Image: Me and Kastoori in tears. Kastoori saw me going into the crevasse